Because blogging is the art of turning trivialities into news.

There are certain things about the original Japanese cooking show “Iron Chef” and its lame American counterpart that we can never really know. For example, we know that ICA host Mark Dacascos is being ironic when he asks the challenger “which chef will cower at the sight of your massive pepper mill?” But is Chairman Kaga, the host of Iron Chef Classic, being ironic when he bites lustily into a bell pepper in the introductory sequence? Do the iron chefs really not know which one of them will be challenged before the show is filmed? And just how secret is the secret ingredient, be it geoduck, eggplant, noodles, or umeboshi plum?

One thing is certain: last night, at the second annual Inter-coöpular Iron Chef, an intense one-hour cooking competition that brought together six university-owned coöps plus renegade outsider Cayuga Lodge, none of the contestants knew that the secret ingredient would be marshmallows.

 

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 Lookin’ good, Chef

Prior to the competition rumors had circulated that, owing to the recession, this year’s Iron Chef would feature a significantly cheaper secret ingredient than last year’s ginger-themed bout. Reigning champions Prospect of Whitby entered the competition with confidence, having won last year with a delicious peanut-ginger noodle salad, grilled tofu, and plum dumplings. Triphammer Coop placed third at the first Inter-coöpular Iron Chef, though the judges agreed that their gingered carrot soup was well-balanced, the whitefish in blackberry-vodka-ginger sauce innovative, the chocolate-chai soufflé ballsy.

Last night, the enterprising young chefs scrambled to react to this culinary curve ball. The event was hosted by Von Cramm coöp, the only coöp with a kitchen large enough to accommodate the competition. Each team was comprised of one head-chef and two sous-chefs, which meant that at any given time, 21 people might be jostling over two ovens and a twelve-burner range. With all the hot oil spitting, sharp knives flying, water boiling and tempers simmering, it’s only by the sheer, random intercession of fate that no one was killed.

The chefs’ offerings included marshmallow fried rice and a tofu-based vegan marshmallow ice cream. Onlooker Dean Fogarsi, a resident of Triphammer Coop, said: “When I saw that I was like ‘ewww’…out loud….” But in the end, only one cuisine could reign supreme. Triphammer insiders explain that it was particularly important to rank higher than Whitby, as the two coops have been engaged in an emotionally-charged prank war for years. Most recently, in response to the kidnapping of Fred Whitby, a carved wooden bear representing the spirit of the house, Prospect deposited a dirty mattress on Triphammer’s kitchen table and, maddeningly, stole the 7 ball from the billiard set. Triphammer’s team, headed by chef-exec Sadie Smith (pictured above), beat out the competition with an appetizer of butter-sautéed carrot slices served with mint on a bed of marshmallows—“sugar pillows,” as Smith called them—followed by a spicy marshmallow curry with potatoes and fruit. Dessert? Fried banana-marshmallow kebabs accompanied by a peanut-ginger dipping sauce. Team Trip defeated champions Prospect of Whitby, who came in 3rd, to take home the golden marshmallow trophy. Rumor has it that Fred Whitby shed runny, s’mores flavored tears.