CornellWatch

Pretty ass clothes pretty ass toes
Oh how I love these pretty ass hos
Pretty ass high class anything goes

– Ludacris, “Southern Hospitality”

Poor Silda. Instead of buying wifey a $4,300 diamond ring, Eliot decided to spend the greens on dropping trou with an expensive escort. Spitzer is currently under political pressure to resign, but besides a vague apology, no official statement has been made on his behalf. Currently, he has scurried away to his 5th Ave. apartment and refused to come out and play.

Interested in what “Client-9″ (his supersecret pimp name) was doing at the Emperor’s Club? (No, he wasn’t attending a workshop on how to be more of an autocratic bully.)

Newsday.com has some tantalizing pictures of the Club’s Web site, which features woman with hot bods and half of a face. Some shady blogs have purported that Kristen is the one pictured to the right: she fit the FBI affadavit’s description, but Gawker warns to take the blurry-faced photo with a grain of salt.

Where does this leave Cornell and Ithaca at large? Spitzer pledged a $2.3 million grant for rehabilitation of the abandoned Ithaca Guns factory back in January, which was met warmly from local politicos.

But wait a minute–what about us Cornell students? For years, we have spread legends of exploring the run-down ruins: climbing its creepy (and possibly asbestos-infested) walls and enjoying a couple of beers while doing so. Evil Spitzer wanted to take our age-old rite of passage away from us by demolishing our holy temple. His blasphemy has been punished by the Big Red Gods by the unearthing of his violation of Cornell’s highest commandment: “Thou shalt not pay for sexual deeds except in the purchasing of alcohol thereof.”

EDIT: Like 10 minutes after I posted this, Spitzer resigned.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am by D. Evan Mulvihill and is filed under news. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.