Meet Your New Reps, Facebook-Style
The Student Assembly is best known in recent memory for its finger-wagging resolution asking the Office of the Dean of Students to investigate whether conservative tabloid the Cornell Review’s “hate speech” violates Cornell’s Statement on Diversity. And the gang’s rolling seven more deep after online voting* for the Fall 2008 Assemblies Elections took place from Tuesday to Thursday this week. The University Assembly, which by contrast probably actually matters because they get to talk to the old white guys on the Board of Trustees, also elected two more peeps. Who are these new kids on the block, and what particular empty promises did they campaign on? Facebook pictures and candidate statements say a thousand words.
The Freshmen Reps
Around 2,000 freshmen (around 15% of the undergrad population) voted for their reps, but the winning candidates had dismal pluralities: gold medalist Cusick garnered only 271 votes (~14%).
Emily Cusick: “Did you sit at your computer for hours on Add/Drop day cursing PeopleSoft? Are you puzzled by Cornell’s fees for gym classes? Did you struggle with rigging up your Ethernet cord so it reaches your desk?” More convenient Ethernet cord ports? YESSSSSSS!
Yuan Yao: “My motive of running for office is mainly my commitment to the Cornell community. Last year at Cornell, as a photographer for Summertimes and yearbook of summer college, I explored the most beautiful Cornell and was able to share it on newspaper with fellow Cornellians.”
Natalie Raps: “While the big CU is the land of opportunity there are bound to be problems that arise. That’s where I come in. My name is Natalie Raps and I am going to dedicate my year to personally serving you. Sounds nice right? But before I become your personal servant let me tell you a little about myself so that things don’t get too awkward.” Somehow I feel that our relations are always going to be awkward, Nats.
Transfer at Large
The amount of people voting in this category was kinda sad. The winner, Andrew D. Brokman, only received 46 votes out of a total 100 votes. Yes, there are less constituent transfers to vote, but seriously? Election rules state you need 50 petition signatures to secure candidacy, and Brokman got less than the petition sigs he needed in the first place. But that might be because he didn’t have to get sigs from his transfer constituency, as Director of Elections Michael McDermott ‘09 informed me: “With election packets being passed out following Orientation Weekend and no central living environment, transfer faced a new and unique challenge — finding other transfers.” So the S.A. let them use any incoming student’s signature.
Andrew D. Brokman: “How annoying is it that we have to drag a long cable across the room just to use the Internet? How annoying is it that the student government fails to keep the people informed about what they’re doing? How annoying was it to read Lincoln at Gettysburg?” True, bro. Everybody hates that book.
LGBTQ
The unquestionably awesome Eric Shannon ran unopposed, but 1385 people still voted for him. And they didn’t even have to! That’s because he’s totes awesome and probably the best gay ever. Did I mention that he’s an awesome gay? (Disclosure: Eric and I are friends.)
Eric Shannon: “Given the current socio-political climate, it is now more important than ever for every student voice – lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gendered, straight, and everyone in between – to be heard. I consider myself first and foremost a hard-working individual. I promise to bring the enthusiasm and dedication that I currently bring to the other facets of my Cornell life – academics, employment, and other activities – to the Student Assembly as the face and voice of the undergraduate LGBTQ community.” (Damn you, Eric, for not giving me any silly things to pick on.)
AAP (Arts, Architecture, and Planning)
Only 40 people (8% of total AAP enrollment) voted for this unopposed candidate.
Nate Baker: “There is only one thing that gives me more pride than telling people that I am an undergraduate student at Cornell University: It is telling them that I am a student in the College of Architecture, Art and Planning. Though many Cornell students know little about us, we AAP students always take pleasure in explaining what we do and how it relates to the global issues of today. The college, though home to only 512 students, is incredibly diverse. We’re from all parts of the U.S., and represent thirty different countries in Europe, Asia, and Latin America. Yet every August, we all come together to make AAP our home.” Psst: you’re running to be an SA rep, not PR rep.
CALS (College of Agriculture and Life Sciences)
Octavio Sandoval: “I live and breathe the Ag Quad. I am a pretty popular guy for the right reasons because I am very enthusiastic and passionate about my college. Last year, I had a problem voting for a CALS representative because I did not know anyone on the ballot. This year, that should not be a problem for my peers. I am very outgoing, and I make it my duty to know the names of my peers because I love networking.” Basically, if you’re an Aggie who doesn’t know Octavio, you probably like people for the wrong reasons. Reasons such as not currently straddling Ms. Haiti in your Facebook profile pic, duh.
UA (University Assembly)
The most people voted in this election (2,700, or 20% of the undergrad population), thank God, because they get to sit in on meetings and fellate the Board of Trustees instead of just fellating the general student body.
Alexander V. Freiden: “My name is Alexander Frieden. This summer I worked for the New York City government. In my frequent meetings in the mayor’s office I gained a wealth of knowledge about intergovernmental affairs and successful governance. The most important lesson I learned from Mayor Bloomberg’s administration was the value of Transparent and Accessible government.” Okay, so it might be nice to have Transparent and Accessible™ Government at Cornell, but do we really want to aspire to the sheer poundage of bureaucracy of NYC?
Cassie Robertson: “If elected, I will strive to initiate even more “green” environmental policies, such as extending the 50 cent bus fare beyond the 11–3pm window to ensure that during class hours, the bus is always 50 cents. I would urge Cornell to join its peers in the Ivy League and raise financial aid for students at all income levels. I believe Cornell should also explore joining its peers in another area, and consider signing the petition currently circulating among Universities to lower the drinking age to 18.” If you want us to take your commitment to letting us get shwastyface under 21 seriously, then you should probably open up your facebook and let us confirm that you have in fact been exercising civil disobedience by steadily drinking (and taking embarrassing pictures of your drunken self!) throughout your college years.
***
*Director of Elections McDermott also let me know that they instituted a new system that saves the university from outsourcing the elections for $12K. Those funds now to go the mysteriously named “Special Projects” fund, which allow the SA to “fund or start projects that wouldn’t normally have kick-start funds available.”
