Drunkblogging the VP Debates
No one is reading this, but we don’t care! We’re drunkblogging the veep debates. We’re following the Daily Show’s rules. We’ll also check up on the Daily Sun’s liveblogging to make sure they’re not as drunk as us. We’ll be making our rules up as we go.
9:00pm – Palin: “Can I call you Joe?” – DRINK
9:05pm – Biden is a good speaker. Palin’s flag pin is atrocious.
9:0pm – Drink whenever anyone says “fundamental.”
9:09pm – Palin: “Get down to gettin’ business done.”-DRINK.
Palin calls McCain a “maverick”-DRINK
9:15pm – Whenever Joe gives Sarah a murderous look, DRINK.
Moderator insults candidates by saying they didn’t answer questions. DRINK.
9:10pm – P: “Joe Six Pack.” DRINK.
9:12pm – B: Whenever B refers to “John” chummily, DRINK.
9:13pm – P: “Darn right.” DRINK.
9:17pm – Everytime the middle class is brought up in a not-at-all specific fashion, DRINK.
9:18pm – Middle class again. Vom. And DRINK.
9:19pm – Biden mentions Scranton. DRINK.
P.S. What are we drinking? Assassination Attempts! Two shots of Barton’s, 3 parts tonic, 1 part Sour mix, and a splash of Grapefruit juice!
9:22pm – It’s harder to pay attention to Biden than Palin. We’re just gonna drink.
9:23pm – We are waiting for her to bring up veterans. Where are the veterans?!
P.P.S. Alaska and Delaware have 6 electoral votes. Combined. That’s 6/483 = 1.1% of this country’s population. I suppose I am biased towards populous states, but what the fuck?
9:27pm – Main St. invoked. DRINK.
9:41pm – We’ve been away for a bit. Our dear friend was making informed decisions on her absentee ballot. What we missed: pretty much nothing except for…
“BARACK OBAMA AND SENATOR O’BIDEN!” Shoulda stuck to Joe. Much drinking.
Oh, and Biden misquotes “Drill, baby, drill” as “Drill, drill, drill.”
9:43pm: P: “White flag of surrender.” As opposed to a white flag of VICTORY.
Everytime Palin repeats the same word more than once in a sentence, DRINK. “The Iraq war will be won when the Iraqi government can govern itself.”And if anyone says “surge,” drink.
The “Talibani.” DRINK.
9:45pm – B: “John McCain has been so wrong. I LOVE him, as my mother would say. But he’s been dead wrong.” (Approx…)
9:48pm -”Nai-ee-vah-TAY.” She so cultured.
9:49pm – P talks about protecting “women’s rights” from the terrorists. They hate our freedoms! Our freedoms to not get an abortion!
9:51pm – “A two state solution is the solution.” NEW WORDS PALIN.
New drinks! My friend’s making it, and it has tequila. So we’re thinking it’ll be called a “Global Warming.” Because tequila makes you feel warm inside, of course.
10:06pm – P: “I beg to disagree with you.” Mangled idioms. DRINK.
P: “He knows what evil is.” Scar from Lion King, Cruella Deville, etc. You know, the Vietcong.
10:09pm – Joe Biden looks like Bob Barker. Thoughts?
P: “Whadja expect: a team o’ mavericks!” DRINK.
10:10pm – “We need some reality from Wasilla Main St.” Let’s consult the record.
Wasilla City Hall.
10:11pm – We learn that Joe Biden spends a lot of time at Home Depot. Wonderful. He is a carpenter. Since it is already quite widely known that Obama is Jesus, O’Biden is clearly his ” foster father”–Joseph! (Not God, silly.)
10:15pm – It’s almost over. We want abortion questions. NOW.
10:16pm – Palin is run-on sentencing. STOP. To quote the Daily Show’s best rule very: “Every time Palin speaks in a run-on sentence, get yourself for into the position of being to drink a sip of beer and therefore on the chair on which you sit turn around and face your neighbor but you will not have had enough into which to vomit and that’s good because you will be feeling in a way that is comparable to ways in which you have drunk before, at home, where they teach good drinking values.”
10:17pm – Joe Biden’s scathing indictment of Dick Cheney was probably the best part of this debate so far. Especially in contrast to Sarah Palin’s “huge energy-producing state,” “executive experience,” “special needs child,” etc.
10:20pm – Biden’s daughter and wife died. Sad sad sad. That ending note was really touching.
10:22pm – “Maverick.” STFU. You ruined the moment.
10:23pm – P: “Change is coming, and John McCain is the leader of that reform.” Wtf Sarah. Stop being on-message for the wrong ticket.
10:24pm – B: “Maverick he is not.” Apparently Biden has been debating since he was 9. Without a break.
Whose signature is better?
Palin’s: Loopy.
Biden’s: Hard to characterize.
10:31pm – Sarah Palin’s sign-off: don’t let your grandchildren down because you were a pussy terrorist lover.
10:33pm – Biden’s sign-off: Too preachy. But still good.
