Sinful Gays Sodomize Entire Page of Daily Sun
HOT OFF THE PRESSES: The Daily Sun made a landmark move today in deciding to print the columns of two writers known to be flamingly gay on the same exact page. It is unclear whether the publication itself was a heartwarming act of tolerance toward God-forsaken faggots or if the faggots in question, by some mischevious act such as they are wont to engage in, highjacked the electronic and mechanical methods by which the Sun normally engages in printing its newspaper thing. In any case, John-David Brown discussed his sinful acts of sodomy at length in his column, a column that was a narcissistic, self-indulgent litany of ” ‘interesting’ tidbits about [himself].” The one I speak of is number 13, a number known to be in violation of God’s Code because of the pagan belief that it is bad luck: “I have a premature ejactulation problem when I’m on Adderal or trying to be on top. Did you know that about me? I think not.” Did you know that I didn’t want to know that? I think so. And Peter Fritch’s column was equally, if not more, blasphemous:
Fritch, who has publicly acknowledged the fact enjoys being a Sodomite in a godless article about fag hags, scrawled a screed decrying the fact that his pet extracurricular activity, a rag called Kitsch magazine that must clearly have taken time away from praying to God to start talking to us again, was not funded by the SAFC. He even made a snippy comment: “The SAFC does indeed do an astounding job addressing [their mission of quality of life for students], establishing a punitive system that makes Guantanamo Bay look like Aspen.” You know what both of those cities look like to me? SODOM. In any case, it’s clear the pair of them should be sent to Camp Pray the Gay Away, a fine program that has successfully deprogrammed a number of these fabulous robot people that New Yorkers call “The Gays.”
Also: I am the Gay Best Friend in question and I have been told that there is a crucial point of misunderstanding in Number 22: “I’ve slept in bed with my gay best friend numerous times, but we’ve never done anything. Except for early on in our friendship when I forefully mouth-raped him.” The instrument of violation is currently in question, and I must say that by the crude term “mouth-rape” he actually meant “make-out-raped” me. What occurred was that he beseeched me to make out with him for a good five minutes, after which point I begrudgingly complied. Burn in hell, JD. And you too, Peter.
Tags: cornell, in brief, john-david brown, peter fritch, the gays
