CornellWatch

A rare pair of clothed celebrators. Photo by M. Fleury

At 12:15 AM, Collegetown erupted in celebration as a result of President Obama’s 11:35 PM official announcement that Osama bin Laden had been killed. One can assume that the delay was due to the rioters’ dearth of American flags, though a representative from Wal-Mart confirmed that the Ithaca location had not sold “any more than usual.”

Various shirtless young men were still parading around Collegetown as late as 1 AM, undeterred by the closure of Rulloff’s and Johnny O’s. Said Todd French ‘12, who was sporting an American flag tied around his neck, “It’s really important that we’re out here, you know, celebrating America.” His companion, Rob Greenwald ‘10, added, “I was gonna stay inside, but this is like…a historic moment here. So I felt drawn to it.”

Several were arrested on the grounds of drunk and disorderly conduct. As pickup trucks with boxer-clad, flag-waving men drove by, honking madly, bottle rockets exploded and groups urged passers-by to join them in singing the national anthem. One young man, asked how his shouting, “America! Fuck yeah!” would help the troops, screamed, “I AM THE TROOPS!” Then he ran into the night, presumably to join the “rager” in the 300 block of College Ave.

Hitler reacts to the announcement that Nelly is coming to Slope Day instead of Justin Bieber. Don’t worry, Adolf, with the money that Cornell’s charging in the tuition hikes, maybe next year we can afford Rebecca Black.

Points off for the forcible touching dig, but otherwise, this was friggin’ hilarious. Nice work, “BigRedBearz.”

photo credit g. cargas

Today, Direct Action to Stop Heterosexism hosted its annual Ho Plaza kiss-in, an event designed to maximize queer visibility on campus and to combat the deluge of heteronormative imagery which floods the media on a daily basis.

Plus, y’know, sweet lady-kisses. Mazel tov!

photo credit s. dalton

COME TO THE GODDAMNED VAGINA MONOLOGUES. this saturday, march 5th, 7 pm. tickets online at baileytickets.com. all proceeds go to charity (90% to the Ithaca Advocacy Center.) all my love goes toward you.

kisses from the co-ed.

Natalie Raps ‘12 is running for S.A. President, and she doesn’t want anyone to forget it. In addition to hosting several public forums and sending out an approximate frillion e-mails, Raps has evoked another waifish, wide-eyed do-gooder…

The video, which features cameos by Student Trustee Asa Craig and Daily Sun Science Editor Katerina Athanisiou, references Raps’s commitment to campus-wide safety and the apparent restructuring of the Student Assembly into a C-town hotspot. I won’t lie–I laughed, and not just because I half-expected Raps to mention doing blow with Skorton or taking that armchair to Craig’s dome.

I guess that's a croissant, not a bagel.

As seen in Olin Library. I get that you’re angry that you mispronounced Foucault, baby philosophy majors, but must you express it in such a banal fashion? Sartre would have never approved.

the starting barrage

Any excitement students had over taking advantage of the most hilariously useless snow day ever was quickly quashed by the arrival of the CUPD. The “Annual EPIC Snowball Fight” drew a crowd of some one hundred people for a half hour of pure glee before some grumpy asshole called the fuzz.

Even after the cops showed, a few enterprising students continued to hurl their missiles (one or two even floated toward the paddywagon itself) until fatigue and fear of authority won out.  Mumbled Officer Kevin, eyes downcast, “They don’t want students throwing snowballs at the windows.” From the crowd, a would-be frolicker replied mulishly, “Next time we’ll bring guns.”

Calm down there, kids, it’s only a snowball fight.

Cookie fortunes sans the calories.

I want to be a little disheartened that our anonymous well-wisher felt that these were necessary at Week One, but let’s be honest: it’s Cornell. Even syllabus week makes you want to tear your hair out. Especially considering this particular sign was posted in Rockefeller, site of many a Physics-induced meltdown of yore.

HuffPost is reporting that Keri Blakinger, senior English major at Cornell, has been charged with possession of $150,000 worth of heroin.

(ETA: An anonymous source who lived in the same house as Blakinger reports that she didn’t notice any obvious drug activity occurring.  There were, however, used syringes found in the house bathroom, so take that as you will.)

As concerned as we are about the apparent layer of black tar on Stewart Ave., we can’t say we’re surprised.  All those Keats readings and pre-1800 requirements would have driven us to drugs, too.

Death by delivery man

Word on the street is that a Taste of Thai delivery man grew so incensed by finals week zombie-eyed narcissism (i.e., no tips) that he gave Olin Library a little something to remember him by.

As a barista at Libe, I can’t blame the guy.  Finals week makes people  assholes.