CornellWatch

Everybody knows “The Economy” sucks. Even David Skorton, our university president (case ya didn’t know), whose Stanford-schooled super-senior son can’t even find employment despite the fact that he took an extra half-year to do an extra major! Sadface. Guess he’ll have to live off the meager $700,000/year salary that daddy earns — but let’s hope he doesn’t have too many coke parties, considering the fact that his noble father hath forgone a salary increase this year. At tonight’s “Senior Presidential Reception,” dapper gentlemen and ladies crowded around our president, trying to get a good word in, or perhaps just to snap a poorly aimed cameraphone picture (see left). Read the rest of this entry »

Meeting Larry Paciotti: CornellWatch’s Interview with Legendary Porn Director Chi Chi LaRue from Evan Mulvihill on Vimeo.

If you are a gay man who doesn’t know who Larry Paciotti is, that’s forgivable. But if you gay men don’t know Chi Chi LaRue, you might be fooling yourself — she (the drag/gay porn director persona of Larry) has directed hundreds (thousands? is too lazy to do research) of titles you may have used your dominant hand to “enjoy.” Watch on, trannies.

Everybody thought I was crazy when I prophesized that Ludacris was coming to Cornell at the expense of our women’s purity. Everybody thought I was even crazier when I further explained that Shawnna, Luda’s lady friend thing, was tagging along at the expense of our men’s. But the tickets are sold out, fools! The hour of (sl)utmost harlotry is nigh! And if you don’t believe me, just know one thing: people like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore. PS: Concert info and an interview with the event’s PR flackette after the jump.

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There is life after Cornell, apparently, and sometimes it involves working in New York City and making fun satirical Web sites. At least that’s what worked out for Kitsch’s very own Samantha Henig, who corresponded with me via e-mail about being the co-creator of a Web site called IThoughtObamaWouldGetMeLaid.com. The site satirizes what Henig, along with fellow co-creators Jonah Green (friend) and Jessica Zimmerman (sister), perceived as the unrealistic expectations to which voters held then-president-elect Obama. Check it out: each time you click on the big block text, it refreshes into another hysterically delusional conjecture. Personal favorite: “I thought Obama would nominate a Secretary of Cute Bunnies and Kitties.” A boy can dream, can’t he?

CornellWatch: How did you, Jonah, and Jess come up with the idea?

Jonah and I were gchatting during work, complaining about what a bad time it is in the book/magazine industry and various more superficial complaints (my junk-food-binge-induced achey body, his alcohol-and-salt-induced puffy face), and the idea grew really organically and almost instantly out of that.

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“Not all athletes are dumb jocks.” That’s especially the case when you’re dealing with world-class rowers who began their careers doing crew for Big Red. Olympic rower Jen Kaido, class of ‘03, is back from Beijing after helping the U.S. finish fifth, just behind Germany and Ukraine in the women’s quadruple sculls. We caught up to her via telephone and chatted about food, studs, and the atmospheric temperament in China.

CornellWatch: It’s been almost a month since you’ve gotten back from Beijing. What is your favorite memory from the games?

Walking into the Bird’s Nest during the closing ceremonies; there were so many people in the stands, cheering, waving flags, it was amazing! I just kept thinking, “This must be how Michael Phelps feels where ever he goes.” It was just awesome to be there with different types of athletes from other countries and know the people in the stands are there to support you.
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For those freshmen who had the misfortune of matriculating one year too late, I’ll inform ye that Jenna B. was last year’s sex columnist, a blondie with an orange glow who became infamous for her cuttingly honest and colorfully slangy description of her escapades in slutbaggery. We say slutbaggery with (sl)utmost respect, because, in case it wasn’t painfully apparent, we kind of love her. This fall, she’s Jenna Bromberg (Hotel ‘08), works at a webmag/blog called HotelChatter writing reviews and shit, lives in Brooklyn, and has an agent for a book that she can’t/doesn’t want to talk about. Suffice it to say that her “literary aspirations don’t go beyond writing some shit that you can read on a beach.” We caught up with her via AIM–yeah, we keep it classy–and found out that, contrary to whatever parting shots that “Cunnilingus Cowboy” bastard might’ve taken in the Daily Sun, she gives GREAT head.

Click through to find out how the banging goes in NYC, who this damned Cowboy is, and whether his linguistics are quite as cunning as he claims.

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