Archive for the ‘news’ Category

An Important Cause to Support for Gays and Their Allies

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

So, this might just get national attention and I can still pre-empt the Daily Sun, so here’s something my friend Chris Donohoe send to me. Chris is a really nice guy, and — sorry dude — we’ve pretty much known he was gay since freshman year. In any case, he is a gay man of faith  and that’s something that the religious group he was involved with couldn’t learn to tolerate:

Tomorrow (Thursday, April 23) an article will run in the Cornell Daily Sun.  It will showcase the following information.

At the beginning of this academic year I (Chris Donohoe) was asked to step down from my leadership position with a religious organization (Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship) on campus after coming out of the closet.  Although the university is taking aggressive action to address this injustice, it is time for the LGBT community and its allies to unite.

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Snap of the Day: In Which the Arts Quad Becometh Art

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

ART QUAD.
ART QUAD.

WTF? Oh, it’s art! Land art, to be precise. I asked a guy who was unloading the bagfuls of hay stuff into big heaps, and he said that it was:

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Xanax: Now Available at the Libraries?

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

A Google search of
A Google search of
Have you ever had the passing notion that Cornell University might secretly be a front of a giant drug operation? That Big Red might be in cahoots with Big Pharma? Well, a tipster sent on an interesting little Google search (at left) this morning that seems to confirm all of our worst fears. Although it might be pretty sweet to be able to have those magical anxiety-dissolving pills of Xanax to lull cracked-out midnight oil-burners to sleep. Not satisfied, I investigated the fishy matter on library.cornell.edu further by — of course — searching “Xanax” in their little engine of their own.

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Miss Cleo to Consult with University Financiers

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

Miss Cleo, Cornell's newest consultant.
Miss Cleo, Cornell's newest consultant.
While the recession of the century becomes a tiring pop culture trend story, academic institutions are facing a real economic crisis, a trend epitomized in the recent advice book How to Survive without a Golden Parachute. With such perilous uncertainty ahead, the wizards of Cornell, Incorporated (that is to say, the men behind the curtain) are turning to more “alternative” means of financial planning.  After several attempts to schedule a meeting with John Edward of Crossing Over, the superstar psychic repeatedly declined, commenting: “My unreal ability to speak to peoples’ deceased loved ones doesn’t qualify me to make a financial forecast.”

Disgusted by the psychic’s incompetence, Esteemed alumna Ann Coulter called Edward a faggot, in a move reminiscent of her to-do with a certain politician named John Edwards.  Exasperated and unfulfilled, the University contacted psychic/shaman/scam artist Miss Cleo, née Youree Dell Harris.  The oddly named Youree “saw the University’s request for help coming” and gracefully obliged. An independent marketing firm saw the move as “potentially fruitful” but was wary of “lurking telephone bill charges.”

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Daily Sun Spill Forces Slope Day Admins’ Hand

Friday, March 27th, 2009

OMG I <3 COLLEGE 2!!!!!1111
OMG I <3 COLLEGE 2!!!!!1111
Thanks to the terrific investigatory work of the Sun, we now know that (1) post-feminist, former burlesque act, and kind of made-up band the Pussycat Dolls are headlining Slope Day and, since the Programming Board were pretty much obligated to make an announcement on the performers, that (2) proto-collegian, former middlebrow Philly suburb resident, and somewhat bothersome white rapper Asher Roth is opening for the glamor-sluts. Oh, and (3) that, unlike the past four years, there is no ostensible third act in sight ($_$ woes?). Asher is a solid second choice, b/c he’s all about wearing self-referential shirts that say COLLEGE like that rly classy Animal House guy and drinking beers and smoking weeds. Plus, I think he is descended from a line of people that often attend college and own lots of fancy things. Also, he was an early education major before his mad good flow got “discovered” so his performance will def be super-educational! Check out his “I Love College” video after da jump.

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The Green Cafe Opens, Grandly

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Banner in the Green Cafe's window.
Banner in the Green Cafe's window.
The Green Cafe opened today at 4pm, to a throng of mostly college students who packed the place with a line out the door and around the corner of College and Dryden. I didn’t have the patience to wait for the “LOT OF FREE TASTING” but I did catch a quick listen of the “DJ MUSIC.” A friend told me the generously gratis food was delish, and the place looks fab in general — three words: shiny red stoolthings. It’s truly refreshing to finally fill one of Collegetown’s pathologically empty storefronts — let’s hope this one weathers the whims of college kids and the oddly business-unfriendly regulations of the City of Ithaca. Click through for an inside view.

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Meeting Larry Paciotti: CornellWatch’s Interview with Legendary Porn Director Chi Chi LaRue

Thursday, March 5th, 2009


Meeting Larry Paciotti: CornellWatch’s Interview with Legendary Porn Director Chi Chi LaRue from Evan Mulvihill on Vimeo.

If you are a gay man who doesn’t know who Larry Paciotti is, that’s forgivable. But if you gay men don’t know Chi Chi LaRue, you might be fooling yourself — she (the drag/gay porn director persona of Larry) has directed hundreds (thousands? is too lazy to do research) of titles you may have used your dominant hand to “enjoy.” Watch on, trannies.

Meet the Cornell Daily Pun’s 127th Editorial Board

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Oh hey Daily Pun.
Oh hey Daily Pun.
As they say, the Pun rises in the yeast. What I mean by this is that the newly elected Daily Sun’s 127th Editorial Board loves to pun, and also that this new Sun is “rising” in an alcohol-fermented haze much akin to the Friday mornings of most “journalists.” On all counts, I wholeheartedly approve! Mostly because they layered on the puns so thick it makes me look like, I dunno, someone who is not that big of a pun fan. Someone like Sarah Palin, maybe. Anyway, here’s just a taste of the pun-dried tomatoes that discerning punsters may chuckle about while pundering over the Board’s intropuntory article:

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VideOkay: Big Red Relief Montage

Sunday, March 1st, 2009

B(l)I(n)G(ee) RED RELIEF 2K9. A bit tasteless, I know.
B(l)I(n)G(ee) RED RELIEF 2K9. A bit tasteless, I know.
Thanks to iMovie, we bring you this poorly constructed video montage of Friday night’s Big Red Relief Charity Concert. Enjoy, and pardon my shaky hands. I was born with them, okay?

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David Plouffe Will Be the Class of 2009’s Convocation Speaker

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Breaking: Guy with funny last name (above) will drone on for a number of minutes in front of a bunch of hungover college kids on Sat, May 23. He apparently doesn’t appreciate the grammatical intricacies of the dash — and neither do we! — so we’ll save the commentary for more qualified commentators and just repost the notification email:

Dear Seniors,

On behalf of the 2009 Convocation Committee, I am pleased to announce that Mr. David Plouffe, Chief Campaign Manager of Obama for America, President Barack Obama’s historic presidential campaign, will headline the Class of 2009’s Convocation Ceremony on Saturday, May 23, 2009.

Our committee sought an individual who has had a profound impact on the society that our class has been prepared to enter. Mr. Plouffe was the mastermind behind one of the most significant and groundbreaking elections in our nation’s history.  His insights and leadership helped transform a little known state senator from Illinois to the leader of the free world.

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