Archive for the ‘newsy narrative’ Category

Meet the Cornell Daily Pun’s 127th Editorial Board

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Oh hey Daily Pun.
Oh hey Daily Pun.
As they say, the Pun rises in the yeast. What I mean by this is that the newly elected Daily Sun’s 127th Editorial Board loves to pun, and also that this new Sun is “rising” in an alcohol-fermented haze much akin to the Friday mornings of most “journalists.” On all counts, I wholeheartedly approve! Mostly because they layered on the puns so thick it makes me look like, I dunno, someone who is not that big of a pun fan. Someone like Sarah Palin, maybe. Anyway, here’s just a taste of the pun-dried tomatoes that discerning punsters may chuckle about while pundering over the Board’s intropuntory article:

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My Prophesy Has Been Consummated: Luda Tix Sell Out

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Perhaps that is Shawnna’s leg? We’ll never know.
Perhaps that is Shawnna’s leg? We’ll never know.
Everybody thought I was crazy when I prophesized that Ludacris was coming to Cornell at the expense of our women’s purity. Everybody thought I was even crazier when I further explained that Shawnna, Luda’s lady friend thing, was tagging along at the expense of our men’s. But the tickets are sold out, fools! The hour of (sl)utmost harlotry is nigh! And if you don’t believe me, just know one thing: people like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore. PS: Concert info and an interview with the event’s PR flackette after the jump.

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Cornell Quits Russell, with COLA’s Unacknowledged Help

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

Just a little note for the Cornell Store. Love, COLA.
Just a little note for the Cornell Store. Love, COLA.
For years, Russell Athletics wooed the Cornell Store with cheap sportswear, adorning their children/students with Big Red sweatshirts, Big Red sweatpants, and Big Red fatsuits. Their relationship grew so strong that Russell comprised around 15 percent of the Store’s apparel sales last year — at this apex of their romance, they thought nothing could bring them down. Unfortunately for the two starry-eyed lovers, there was trouble in paradise: trouble being Russell’s death threats to newly unionized workers, and paradise being a Honduran factory. Luckily, the Store was quietly informed of Russell’s human rights abuses by COLA (Cornell Organization for Labor Action), when the workers’ rights activists displayed the curiously illuminating banner pictured at right on last Wed, Feb 19. The very next day, the University quit Russell in much the same way one quits a lover who, by golly, beats his Honduran foster kids. The press release:

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