CornellWatch

A rare pair of clothed celebrators. Photo by M. Fleury

At 12:15 AM, Collegetown erupted in celebration as a result of President Obama’s 11:35 PM official announcement that Osama bin Laden had been killed. One can assume that the delay was due to the rioters’ dearth of American flags, though a representative from Wal-Mart confirmed that the Ithaca location had not sold “any more than usual.”

Various shirtless young men were still parading around Collegetown as late as 1 AM, undeterred by the closure of Rulloff’s and Johnny O’s. Said Todd French ‘12, who was sporting an American flag tied around his neck, “It’s really important that we’re out here, you know, celebrating America.” His companion, Rob Greenwald ‘10, added, “I was gonna stay inside, but this is like…a historic moment here. So I felt drawn to it.”

Several were arrested on the grounds of drunk and disorderly conduct. As pickup trucks with boxer-clad, flag-waving men drove by, honking madly, bottle rockets exploded and groups urged passers-by to join them in singing the national anthem. One young man, asked how his shouting, “America! Fuck yeah!” would help the troops, screamed, “I AM THE TROOPS!” Then he ran into the night, presumably to join the “rager” in the 300 block of College Ave.

Hitler reacts to the announcement that Nelly is coming to Slope Day instead of Justin Bieber. Don’t worry, Adolf, with the money that Cornell’s charging in the tuition hikes, maybe next year we can afford Rebecca Black.

Points off for the forcible touching dig, but otherwise, this was friggin’ hilarious. Nice work, “BigRedBearz.”

Death by delivery man

Word on the street is that a Taste of Thai delivery man grew so incensed by finals week zombie-eyed narcissism (i.e., no tips) that he gave Olin Library a little something to remember him by.

As a barista at Libe, I can’t blame the guy.  Finals week makes people  assholes.

Cruising home from the beach far out on Long Island, we discovered… the Cornell University International Duck Research Cooperative???

Matt, for reasons known only to himself, decided to stake his claim as a Cornellian by parking on the grass.  Literally within thirty seconds, a huge SUV pulled up and ordered us OUT.  The only explanation?  Cornell must be breeding mutant killer ducks.

Or, according to the website: “The Duck Laboratory came into existence in 1949 as a result of a working relationship between duck producers on Long Island and Cornell University.  At that time, very little scientific research was being carried out on ducks. In contrast, a considerable amount of research was being conducted at a number of universities on chicken and turkey production. The relatively small size of the duck industry in the United States, compared to the chicken and turkey industries, placed the duck industry at a decided disadvantage in obtaining financial support for research.  To help overcome this obstacle, the duck growers made a commitment to pay a large portion of the cost of research themselves through the payment of dues and fees. An agreement between Cornell University, and what was soon to become the Long Island Duck Research Cooperative was reached to establish and operate a duck laboratory at Eastport, New York.”

Amidst the several Cornellians enjoying a fine Saturday afternoon and evening out on the Arts Quad were a number of solemn black-cloaked individuals standing at the edges of the quad. Every few minutes, they stepped toward the center, while the ones standing at the six o’clock and twelve o’clock positions raised their lanterns. Another individual, possibly some kind of group leader, contrasted the still and silent dark circle by hobbling around in a bright blue hooded cloak with a crude walking stick, coughing every so often. Another small circle of young men in suits stood in the exact center of the arts quad, looking downwards.

This strange sight was the Black Lantern Processional, a hundred-year-old tradition of the Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity.

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Are they greenhouses?  Part of a solar energy experiment?  The latest product in sustainable design?  Nope, rumor has it that the three plastic structures that appeared on the Arts Quad this morning are part of an installation art project by a professor of architecture in the School of Art, Architecture, and Planning.  Apparently she required her second-year architecture class to come help set it up– a “fun” Sunday afternoon break from studio.

Subheading: Inanimate community reacts

Can’t read the sign? Wondering whose people’s deaths the pink flag remembers? A close-up after the jump.

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WTF? Oh, it’s art! Land art, to be precise. I asked a guy who was unloading the bagfuls of hay stuff into big heaps, and he said that it was:

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And no one is around to hear it — as the officer nearby testified — does it make a sound? Physicists tell me that it does, but I’m still waiting to hear back from the Philosophy department.

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