CornellWatch » stalking sundays

VID of the Day: Cornell gets on the Der Untergang Meme

Kathleen Jercich — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 22:28:58 +0000

Hitler reacts to the announcement that Nelly is coming to Slope Day instead of Justin Bieber. Don’t worry, Adolf, with the money that Cornell’s charging in the tuition hikes, maybe next year we can afford Rebecca Black.

Points off for the forcible touching dig, but otherwise, this was friggin’ hilarious. Nice work, “BigRedBearz.”

Stalking Sundays: Follicle Follies! (A Play in Three Acts)

D. Evan Mulvihill — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 05:28:39 +0000

This week, we bring you not one but three (3!) rousing posts contemplating the nature of, shall we say, the presence (or lack thereof!) of follicles in the crotchal region. The first is a spectacularly reasoned entreaty by a concerned woman who just wants men to shave some — BUT NOT ALL! — of their junk hair. LOL. The second begins the descent into madness/irrelevance, as we hear what I presume to be a man bewailing the sorry state of female Craigslist picture-posters. Happily, it ends on a positive note: “I saw a girl once who had an arrow shaved, pointing to the sweet spot….” The final post begins ominously, bearing the mark of the devil: an improperly used semicolon! It ends with what can only be properly described as full-blown Satanism: the terrible, awful, wretched mangling of a perfectly holy adage! Read on to discover the follies.

ACT I: A MODEST PROPOSAL

Pubic hair (barenakedlady)

Reply to: pers-1056161722@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-03-01, 8:51PM ESTI am a girl, and I myself prefer that it is either very well trimmed or the landing strip. I have to agree that I think women look like little girl without a little bit down there.I also think that for men, they should definately not shave it all off. A little hair is fine, or even a little bit more as long as it is well maintained. LOL. Otherwise you like a little boy who hasn’t hit puberty yet. Some men believe it adds a couple of inches to their penis. I would definitely have to disagree with that.ACT II: THE FOLLY BEGINS

Pubic hair (there)

Reply to: pers-1056176984@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-03-01, 9:04PM ESTall these posts without good pictures are worthless… I disagree with the men shaving thing, it certainly makes mine look longer without the hair there and no stragglers in her teeth, she likes that… I saw a girl once who had an arrow shaved, pointing to the sweet spot….
ACT III: DESCENT INTO MADNESS

re;Pubic hair

Reply to: pers-1056186120@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-03-01, 9:12PM EST
my husband doesn’t care how I have my hair, but I prefer it waxed
and
I prefer him waxed too

each to their ownAnd scene.

Stalking Sundays: All My Single Ladies, All My Single Ladies

D. Evan Mulvihill — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 01:07:47 +0000

We’re back to the more pathetic zones of Ithaca’s Craigslist, and we’ve stumbled upon a “BUILT” guy who just hasn’t gotten the hang of caps lock yet, or the concept that no female Craigslister in her right mind is going to pay you at all to go on a date with her — let alone shell out the $100 that the man should be spending on her dinner. Anyone else find it slightly ironic Mr. Right hails from Freeville?

Single Guy Raffle – m4w – 26 (freeville)

Reply to: pers-1037668438@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-02-16, 7:14PM EST

SINGLE GUY RAFFLE: BIDDING STARTS AT $100

THIS IS THE GUY WHO IS BEING RAFFLED OFF: 26 YRS OLD, 5′6. DIRTY BLONDE HAIR, GREEN/HAZEL EYES, BUILT, LIKES ALL KINDS OF OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES INCLUDING SNOWMOBILE RIDING, 4-WHEELING, HUNTING, FISHING. LIKES TO HANG OUT, WATCH MOVIES, LISTEN TO MUSIC, GOING OUT ONCE IN AWHILE TO BARS.

READ:
IF YOU ARE BORED, AND DONT WANT TO BE ALONE FOR A DAY THEN COME AND BID. A DAY OF FUN (DINNER,MOVIES,HANGING OUT..ETC)
YOU MUST BE 21YRS OLD OR OVER. GIRLS ONLY.

EMAIL ME AND ILL GIVE YOU ANYMORE DETAILS AND A PICTURE.

Stalking Sundays: PET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!111

D. Evan Mulvihill — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:57:27 +0000

I was going to do this week’s shit on fabulous/tragic postings by starry-eyed/jilted Valentine’s Day lovers but got distracted by REALLY CUTE PETS 4 SALE on da ‘List. AFAIK [for all you n00bs out there, that means "as far as I know"], all of the previous Stalking Sundays featured posters have involved exclusively people/things with [95 to 100%?] human DNA — so why not extend to the farther realms of the Animal Kingdom? First, the top 2 cutest/cuddliest pet giveaway posts in the last week. And then the top 2 ugliest/scariest ones. And then just something SUPER COOL that you’ll have to just click through to see because I’M NOT TELLING.

PRETTIES/SNUGGLIES

1) Toy Poodle (Elmira)

Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-12, 1:21PM EST

I have a lovely apricot Toy Poodle to rehome. I rescued her from a breeder. She is 5yrs and up to date with shots and is fixed. She is very quiet and is good with cats.She also gets along with my other dogs and is a Great lap dog. She currently visits older people in the hospital. Great for people with allergies.
She loves to dress up and go shopping or just sit on the sofa with you. I I had to have dental work done since the breeder did not take good care of her so am paying off the $400 vet bill and am asking $150 to go towards it. Please call [redacted] or email.

2)
pure bred black lab pup (seneca falls)

Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-15, 9:15PM EST

Hello, I am looking to find a new home for my 12 weeks old female pure bred black lab. She has her first two sets of shots, been dewormed. We did not get papers with her but she is certainly a pure bred, we have all her vet papers. Very beautiful, GREAT tempermant. She is already house broken, she sleeps in her crate at night and goes right to the door when she has to go potty outside. The reason we are finding her a new home is because last friday I gave birth to our second son 10 weeks early and right now are residence is the Ronald McDonald house in rochester so we are not able to care for Molly. We did not expect this and are sad to have to find her a new home.. she has grown on us very quickly. There is a rehoming fee for her, serious inquires only please. Must go soon..

UGLEES/SKERRIES

1) Good home for a crazy Tegu (Ithaca)

Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-10, 11:32PM ESTMy tegu is exceeding my living capacity and (as much as I feel guilty about it) I need to eventually find him a new home. He is quite large, aggressive and dirty. I am only willing give him to someone who understands the needs of these animals and has experience with large lizards. The re-homing fee is $100 and includes his cage, high box, full spectrum light, and heating element.

Thanks

2) Rose Hair Tarantula (20.00)

Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-05, 4:41PM ESTi thought i would like them but then got it home and i’m not into it. is really good when you hold it and never tried to bite. i have a small cage you can take him in thank you phil

My # [redacted]

COOL SUPER SECRET SPECIAL ONE

Albino Milk Snakes (Ithaca, NY)

Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-06, 12:51PM ESTI have 2 male albino Nelsoni available from a clutch of 10 that hatched in August 2008. Both are feeding readily on either live or f/t pinkies. Make a reasonable offer. I’ve included pictures of the hatchlings as well as a picture of the mother. Please contact me with any questions.

Thanks,

Zach

Stalking Sundays: Let’s Get Positive!

D. Evan Mulvihill — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:03:52 +0000

I have something to get off my chest, anonymous citizens of the blog-reading Internet. What it boils down to is, essentially, that I am a bad person. The last three of my Stalking Sundays posts have been terribly unkind to the poor souls who published the unfortunate ads in the first place. But there is good news! I have chosen an adorable post which may or may not have been posted in search of someone I may or may not know. Enjoy it, because next week I’ll be back to feeling better about myself by unfairly focusing on the cyber trails of others’ pathetic lives!

Stella’s at 2:30ish. – m4m – 23 (Stella’s Café)

Reply to: pers-1025212885@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-02-07, 4:51PM EST

Hey you were wearing a blue t-shirt, had some facial hair and were sitting with another guy — I was sitting with two friend son the table next to yours and overheard you two either discussing philosophy or linguistics (I heard something along the lines of “signifier and signified”) — I would’ve come up but I had to run somewhere — maybe we could grab coffee there sometime.

Stalking Sundays: Desperately Seeking Rifle-Toting Baller

D. Evan Mulvihill — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 20:17:12 +0000

Today we bring you the story of one of the most puzzling Craigslist ads we have ever come across: that of a seemingly nice girl who has a thing for basketball, rifles, and some shitty short story by Tennessee Williams. I tried to get inside her mind, but my brain was hurting so just let this one speak for itself.

do you know the way to san jose? – 22 (cornell)

Reply to: [redacted]

Date: 2009-01-30, 2:05AM EST

marilyn monroe meets sophia loren, seeking anyone who is not completely dull. if you know the story “the field of blue children” or if you love basketball, maybe even rifles, do not hesitate. i need someone of true flesh and true bones.

Stalking Sundays: And the Award for Most Obvious Thought Goes To…

D. Evan Mulvihill — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 23:29:18 +0000

We’re back for the second week of Stalking Sundays–I didn’t forget! Anyway, the idiots are STILL on our interwebs and this time, they’ve taken to inane philosophizing. This week’s topic: Sex offenders! They are bad! Really bad! So bad! I just hate them! I have to use like seven exclamation points and caps lock to express how UNCOOL they are!!!!!!! Point blank. You know the deal: headline here, rest of ad later.

sex offenders (…)

Child molesters and rapists are not cool, period. So be it if they suffer ’social injustices’ for their crimes. It’s one thing imo if a 18 or 19 year old is convicted of having sex with a 16 year old when the 16 year old was a happy and willing participant, it’s another thing entirely when a child is forcibly molested or raped by an adult. Point blank.

Stalking Sundays: Must Love Bowling!!!

D. Evan Mulvihill — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 20:15:39 +0000

Because we love alliteration and stealing ideas from other blogs (this one’s via Gossip Gay, a fabulous Tumblr about, um, homosexual canards at Northwestern University), we introduce to you Stalking Sundays–our weekly stroll through the Ithaca Craigslist in search of the good, the bad, and the just plain pathetic. Send us your picks to watch@kitschmag.com.

For our inaugural stalk, we have one family man desperately seeking the Asian girl who “likes bowling and a good love story.” Fair maiden, if you should doubt his resolve for just one second, look no further than the headline. You can tell our young hero means business by those three, unceasingly adamant exclamation points!!! Here’s the headline, and the rest of the treatise is after the jump.

25 year old asian who removed posting!!! – 25 (Ithaca)

I am looking for a girl who had posted on the “women seeking men” webpage who likes bowling and a good love story. Who cares about family and is looking for someone to snuggle and stay warm with. I am a 25 year old Cornell graduate student and I just wrote you a very long email and then was unable to send it to you. Please repost or just send me an email so I can send you my response to your post