CornellWatch

Natalie Raps ‘12 is running for S.A. President, and she doesn’t want anyone to forget it. In addition to hosting several public forums and sending out an approximate frillion e-mails, Raps has evoked another waifish, wide-eyed do-gooder…

The video, which features cameos by Student Trustee Asa Craig and Daily Sun Science Editor Katerina Athanisiou, references Raps’s commitment to campus-wide safety and the apparent restructuring of the Student Assembly into a C-town hotspot. I won’t lie–I laughed, and not just because I half-expected Raps to mention doing blow with Skorton or taking that armchair to Craig’s dome.

I guess that's a croissant, not a bagel.

As seen in Olin Library. I get that you’re angry that you mispronounced Foucault, baby philosophy majors, but must you express it in such a banal fashion? Sartre would have never approved.

the starting barrage

Any excitement students had over taking advantage of the most hilariously useless snow day ever was quickly quashed by the arrival of the CUPD. The “Annual EPIC Snowball Fight” drew a crowd of some one hundred people for a half hour of pure glee before some grumpy asshole called the fuzz.

Even after the cops showed, a few enterprising students continued to hurl their missiles (one or two even floated toward the paddywagon itself) until fatigue and fear of authority won out.  Mumbled Officer Kevin, eyes downcast, “They don’t want students throwing snowballs at the windows.” From the crowd, a would-be frolicker replied mulishly, “Next time we’ll bring guns.”

Calm down there, kids, it’s only a snowball fight.

Cookie fortunes sans the calories.

I want to be a little disheartened that our anonymous well-wisher felt that these were necessary at Week One, but let’s be honest: it’s Cornell. Even syllabus week makes you want to tear your hair out. Especially considering this particular sign was posted in Rockefeller, site of many a Physics-induced meltdown of yore.

HuffPost is reporting that Keri Blakinger, senior English major at Cornell, has been charged with possession of $150,000 worth of heroin.

(ETA: An anonymous source who lived in the same house as Blakinger reports that she didn’t notice any obvious drug activity occurring.  There were, however, used syringes found in the house bathroom, so take that as you will.)

As concerned as we are about the apparent layer of black tar on Stewart Ave., we can’t say we’re surprised.  All those Keats readings and pre-1800 requirements would have driven us to drugs, too.

You asked for it, folks (well, maybe not explicitly, but we could feel it), and we provided it: Kitsch Magazine is hosting its first-ever Burlesque Poetry Night!

Strap-ons and Sylvia Plath compilations optional.

Come cheer on your friends and mock your enemies as they struggle to read Keats through the haze of liquid-courage vodka tonics!

Level B, 11/11, 8:30-until we can’t stand to hear the sound of our own voices
$7 includes a $4 drink

See you there!

Today, I received a Facebook invitation to Alpha Phi sorority’s 5^th Annual Ivy Man pageant.   Announcing the event for Friday, October 1^st, the invite reads: “See Cornell’s most charming males show off their beauty, brains, and brawn in a pageant style competition – all for a good cause!”

With 429 people currently listed as attending and almost 3,000 more pending, I’m wondering how I ever missed this, um, interesting presentation of manflesh.  And how in the world Alpha Phi convinced 11 Cornell students to strip down to ivy for photos like the one below, from the fan page for contestant Danny Hegberg.

Read the rest of this entry »

A few weeks ago, the good folks over at Alfred A. Knopf approached me on West 13th Street. With a Nantucket Red L.L. Bean tote and bright blue sunglasses in tow, the Knopf-ers sternly demanded that I give away the tote, glasses, and similarly preppy items on CornellWatch, so that the release of their book, True Prep, is duly noted in the annals of the Ivy League blogosphere. Like any good-natured man-about-town with a certain fondness for paisley Lilly Pulitzer blazers, I nodded and obliged.

Co-authored by Lisa Birnbach (who is actually Jewish) and Chip Kidd (this cannot be his real name, can it?), the book is mostly an update of Ms. Birnbach’s classic 1980 book, How to Be WASPy. Some selections from the book are below, but first: how do our darling readers win this stuff? It’s easy: Just leave a really preppy tweet in the comments. If you need inspiration, check out preppy Twitter-ers YesImWaspy or MyLifeIsCT. Make sure it’s under 140 characters, and make up a funny fake Twitter handle to preface it. Leave your email so we can contact you and get your address to send the stuff to.

Now, one fun excerpt:

Read the rest of this entry »

Today, a story ran in the Cornell Daily Sun about how a Facebook group called the Gay Mafia threw a huge-ass gay party in Watermargin Cooperative House to kick off the big gay semester at Big gay Red. Gay (and straight) people made out on the dancefloor! There was an ice luge with liquor pouring into gay (and straight) mouths! Et cetera:

While the Gay Mafia primarily arranges these events for the benefit of the gay community, others are still welcome to attend. In fact, the party actually attracted a wide range of attendees. Yes, there were certainly more guys making out here than at the typical college party, but at the same time there was also a fair share of heterosexual action going on as well. In fact, Jacob Frank ’11, a friend of one of the Gay Mafia administrators, said that this is the third Gay Mafia event he’s attended. “It’s a good time for anyone. I actually met my girlfriend last year at one of these events,” Frank admitted.

Good press for the open, straight-couple-creating Gay Mafia, yes? Apparently no press is good press for them, since the admins already deleted the Group from Facebook a few hours, leaving a fairly cryptic goodbye message: Read the rest of this entry »

Well, it’s another embarrassing day for Cornell.  Christopher Langone, a PhD student at our illustrious institution, recently filed a class-action law suit against rock band Rush for inconsiderately letting their Chicago concert get rained out—and he wants $$$ for those beers he bought, too, reports the Chicago Sun-Times. Read the rest of this entry »