CornellWatch

Cornell has a well-deserved reputation for incubating a certain breed of political animals, that is to say, we pop out overzealous assholes like nobody’s business. There is, of course, our very own “Rush Limbaugh in a miniskirt”: the Cornell Review-founding, polemic-trafficking Ann Coulter ‘84. And on the other side of the partisan picket fence, there’s ESPN sportscaster-cum-liberal talking head Keith Olbermann ‘79.  And recent weeks have found our glorious institution, yet again, at the center of the shit-slinging culture war between liberals and conservatives. Except this time the wannabe pundits of Cornell are not bashing one another like the big boys and girls do — some outside libertarians are jumping into the fray, too, and it’s all because some blasted zygote had to up and scrawl her (pro-)life story on some signs (see left).

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We’ve finally got a new provost, former Dean of Engineering Kent Fuchs, now that the former one of eight years, Carolyn “Biddy” Martin, has flitted off to a chancellorship at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. After being the longest-serving provost ever, we guess Biddy needed a new place to make conservatives annoyed by her existence. Luckily for us, our new man has an equally lampoonable name, sort of. His last name is pronounced “fox,” not “fucks” as many vulgar language enthusiasts in the Cornell community might have preferred. We can still dub him something funny though, like Silver Fuchs. He’s not bad-looking for an older guy, right?

Anyway, his professional credentials seem stellar at a glance. In his six year tenure as Dean of the largest engineering program in the Ivy League, nobody seems to have had any major beef with him. MetaEzra reports: “I’m not entirely qualified to comment on Fuch’s qualifications for the job, suffice to say that he was re-appointed for the Engineering deanship and Martin thought highly of him.” There is, however, one thing about Fuchs that’s a bit out of the norm: he received a master of divinity degree at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in 1984, a year before he got his Ph.D. in electrical engineering at the University of Illinois. Why this might short-circuit a few lightbulbs in our mind after the jump.

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Ruh roh! Seems like the liberals on campus are pissed off about something… what’s new? Just kidding! That’s the kind of joke only a writer for the Cornell Review (or the defunct Cornell American, which joined forces with the Review last year) would make, which brings me to the point: a diverse array of campus liberals marched around Barton Hall today at Clubfest armed with signs* and indignance because of some nasty little racisty things the Review said in their welcome back issue.

After the group snowballed up and down the rows, they made their way over to the Review’s table and chanted a little about how Cornell must make them go away. And then some guy with a loudspeaker started talking, but I wasn’t really listening. There was a CoPo keeping the peace WHILE sucking on a lollipop (such talent!), and I tried to take a cell phone picture of him but I fucked it up. Anyway, their specific gripes (which a sweaty guy with a clipboard distributed before the “march” to random tables including Kitsch’s, urging us to fight the good fight with him) are after the jump. Also after the jump: why their gripes don’t really make too much sense.

[UPDATE (9/13): Before I get a flood of angry commenters, I want to let people know that I do not support in any way or form the Review. I am sorry that this post comes off like I’m shitting on activists, I’m not. I respect what you’re doing here but believe that it’s a bit misguided and needs to get its facts straight concerning the Cornell name and ask the administration to do something about the Review with a legitimate claim (aka please check their masthead for a disclaimer, I don’t have a copy handy). Please take this into consideration before you post comments.]

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So you probably have heard that some University admintard(s) decided to erect a draconian fence that blocks entry to the path down to the Fall Creek gorge (the one where everyone lays out on the flat rock below the Suspension Bridge) and pranksters have been cutting holes through said draconian fence. And you probably have been wondering, “WHODUNIT?” or rather “WHO IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN ADMINISTRATION DUN IT?” MetaEzra’s Matthew Nagowski certainly has. A source* informed CornellWatch that, probably like every other legalish administrative decision ever, it seems that a “consensus” was reached during a large meeting between the “University Council Office” and key administrative figures. But when was this meeting convened? Who exactly presided over this august body? And, perhaps more importantly, what is the University Council Office? (more…)

The Registrar’s office has apparently made it impossible for Schedulizer to function, or something.When you log in to the Schedge, the entreating missive at left comes up and explains that “Cornell has made it prohibitively difficult for us to maintain accurate course information.” And even though the good peeps over at Schedulizer (holla back, Ross) have tried their darndest to work with the Registrar to resolve this timely and adequately, “the Registrar has been unresponsive.” The Registrar so tied up in its own red tape that any soul brave enough to venture into cubicle-y abyss comes out with empty answers and the nagging desire to set Day Hall on fire? Unheard of. It seems this whole shebang is due to the switch to the decidedly sucky PeopleSoft, which (not unlike many a beer goggled hook-up) appears pretty and wholesome and kinda cute but in reality sucks giant monkey balls.

This makes times quite trying for we students who did not write down our schedules before 1:30am the night before the first day of classes. And since some unnamed students did not get all the classes they wanted and a bag of potato chips in PreEnroll, some unnamed students are kinda pissed off. And so this colors their decision to send what would normally be a very peaceable and professional email to the evil-sounding UnivRegistrar@cornell.edu. After the jump, the offending email.

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Cornell has made another bold move in its fight to eradicate Forgetful Freddies this semester, increasing the cost of replacing Cornell Student Identification Cards from $25 to $35. Students are predictably outraged about having to shell out enough money to buy 2.5 handles of Barton’s for a freaking shiny piece of plastic with your face on it, and administrators may face protests and angry drunken messages.

“I am dismayed and outraged by this new cost increase,” said one student who happens to be myself. ”What’s next–$6 for a sandwich at Trillium?”

Some university administrators attempted to construct flimsy excuses defending the change, citing the expensive materials and skilled labor needed to produce Cornell IDs. “The ID department has been in the red for years,” said some lady at the office.”Mostly because of the first replacement ID is free.”

Pseudo-fake newsing aside, THIS IS SO FREAKING ANNOYING.