Well, it’s another embarrassing day for Cornell. Christopher Langone, a PhD student at our illustrious institution, recently filed a class-action law suit against rock band Rush for inconsiderately letting their Chicago concert get rained out—and he wants $$$ for those beers he bought, too, reports the Chicago Sun-Times. Read the rest of this entry »
And the actress who played her just got nominated for a supporting actress Oscar! That would be Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air — itself nominated for Best Picture — for her superb portrayal of Cornell grad Natalie Keener. In the office, Natalie is everything that Andy Bernard isn’t: professional, upwardly ambitious, and terribly stiff.
Where Andy Bernard reminisces aloud of his Here Comes Treble a cappella superstardom at Cornell, Natalie is the type who’s more likely to remember nights spent tirelessly studying for her upper-level Johnson School classes, which she took on top of her AEM courses just to show her classmates that the Ag School Biz program is not a joke. Read the rest of this entry »
So, this might just get national attention and I can still pre-empt the Daily Sun, so here’s something my friend Chris Donohoe send to me. Chris is a really nice guy, and — sorry dude — we’ve pretty much known he was gay since freshman year. In any case, he is a gay man of faith and that’s something that the religious group he was involved with couldn’t learn to tolerate:
Tomorrow (Thursday, April 23) an article will run in the Cornell Daily Sun. It will showcase the following information.
At the beginning of this academic year I (Chris Donohoe) was asked to step down from my leadership position with a religious organization (Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship) on campus after coming out of the closet. Although the university is taking aggressive action to address this injustice, it is time for the LGBT community and its allies to unite.
On this lovely Thursday night (tonight, that is) at 8pm, I’m bringing the folks at IVY — that Ithaca College-produced show that Cornellians love to hate — to Willard Straight Hall’s Memorial Room for a sneak preview of their second season, which debuts April 14th. Come meet the people who pretend to be people who are supposed to represent you, Cornellian, in some approximate fashion. Yeah.
Another thing I’m working on is called Sneuth, which stands for snoop and sleuth (and maybe snark) all put into one clunky yet surprisingly cool-sounding neologism. Our first project is Alternatournell, an alternate look at Cornell in video form as above. Check it out, and tell prospective freshman about it PLEASE. The first installment will be out Monday. Even if you don’t like the video content (it’s jerky at times :/ ), Get Low is involved. TO THE WINDOWWW. TO THE WALLLL.
The Pussies, just kicking their shits out ya know.
The Sunreported at 4pm today that the Pussycat Dolls will be performing for Slope Day, presumably as the front runners. This is pretty sweet in terms of the “pop factor,” considering that last year’s main act “Gym Class Heroes” wasn’t exactly the biggest name. It is comparable, however, to 2007’s T.I., 2005’s Snoop Dogg, and 2004’s Kanye West. Anyway, what I want to know is who (a Cornell alum?) at the William Morris Agency decided to tip off the Sun. Also, whether the Slope Day Programming Board, which guards its picks very secretly, is pissed the eff off. Let me know at watch@kitschmag.com.
ADDENDUM: So, according to an anonymous source who asked not to be named, it looks as if the Dolls’ agents merely “confirmed [their] precognition” that they’d be headlining Slope Day. Precognition being that a student (who’s probably an E-Board member on the Slope Day Programming Board or at least having sex with one) tipped off a wily editor, who then called the William Morris Agency to “pretend to book an event on the same day as slope day. to which the contact replied ‘They’re booked in ithaca’ or something of the like.” That’s a helluv clever way to confirm a rumor. Kudos to y’all, Daily Punners. Sorry I was rude. The anonymous source added: “Power of the press baby.”
Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Except in Connecticut.
Being from the lamest borough in New York City (Staten Island, in case you’re from Minnesota), I always took solace in the fact that there were far lamer regions nearby, with which my island could compete and (hopefully) come out on top. There’s the epic battle waged between the people from my ‘hood (my Irish people’s and the Italians’) and Long Island (the Jews’), a battle in which the points of contention were based on the same embarrassing features: annoying accents, materialism amongst its consumer sheeple residents, lack of subway access to Manhattan. With a landfill so massive you can see it from outer space, the battle arguably resulted in Long Island’s favor. Nevertheless, we always had Jersey to agree upon, elevating our geographic (and therefore cultural) superiority. While at Cornell, however, I learned of a strange hilly region directly to the northeast of New York City, a place where, in 1961, some sorry resident emptied her vaginal cavity of one Ann Hart Coulter — our most embarrassing alumna who recently claimed that the Ag School is not a part of the Ivy League.
If you are a gay man who doesn’t know who Larry Paciotti is, that’s forgivable. But if you gay men don’t know Chi Chi LaRue, you might be fooling yourself — she (the drag/gay porn director persona of Larry) has directed hundreds (thousands? is too lazy to do research) of titles you may have used your dominant hand to “enjoy.” Watch on, trannies.
Everybody thought I was crazy when I prophesized that Ludacris was coming to Cornell at the expense of our women’s purity. Everybody thought I was even crazier when I further explained that Shawnna, Luda’s lady friend thing, was tagging along at the expense of our men’s. But the tickets are sold out, fools! The hour of (sl)utmost harlotry is nigh! And if you don’t believe me, just know one thing: people like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore. PS: Concert info and an interview with the event’s PR flackette after the jump.
Just a little note for the Cornell Store. Love, COLA.
For years, Russell Athletics wooed the Cornell Store with cheap sportswear, adorning their children/students with Big Red sweatshirts, Big Red sweatpants, and Big Red fatsuits. Their relationship grew so strong that Russell comprised around 15 percent of the Store’s apparel sales last year — at this apex of their romance, they thought nothing could bring them down. Unfortunately for the two starry-eyed lovers, there was trouble in paradise: trouble being Russell’s death threats to newly unionized workers, and paradise being a Honduran factory. Luckily, the Store was quietly informed of Russell’s human rights abuses by COLA (Cornell Organization for Labor Action), when the workers’ rights activists displayed the curiously illuminating banner pictured at right on last Wed, Feb 19. The very next day, the University quit Russell in much the same way one quits a lover who, by golly, beats his Honduran foster kids. The press release:
Disclaimer: The frequently ill-informed opinions contained within CornellWatch do not in any way, shape, or form represent those of the glorious administration of Cornell University.
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And the actress who played her just got nominated for a supporting actress Oscar! That would be Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air — itself nominated for Best Picture — for her superb portrayal of Cornell grad Natalie Keener. In the office, Natalie is everything that Andy Bernard isn’t: professional, upwardly ambitious, and terribly stiff.
LGEvan2007