Another thing I’m working on is called Sneuth, which stands for snoop and sleuth (and maybe snark) all put into one clunky yet surprisingly cool-sounding neologism. Our first project is Alternatournell, an alternate look at Cornell in video form as above. Check it out, and tell prospective freshman about it PLEASE. The first installment will be out Monday. Even if you don’t like the video content (it’s jerky at times :/ ), Get Low is involved. TO THE WINDOWWW. TO THE WALLLL.

This lil FB-msg interview was conducted before tix sold out, which was announced via Facebook message by Ms. Arkin at around 10:40am today (Wed Feb 25):

Hey Evan-
I’ll try to answer these to the best I can. I’m just making clear that number 4 is my own personal opinion and should not reflect the opinions of Cornell Concert Commission or Cornell University and all entities that may be involved (always need a disclaimer).

1) how many tickets total have sold? what’s the breakdown between CU and gen pub?
>> as of 8:04pm on Tuesday, we’ve sold a little over 4700 tickets, out of 5200. Out of that, around 1/4th is general public, give or take a few extra student tickets. This tends to be the usual breakdown.

2) how did your e-board get in touch with ludacris?
>>The Ludacris concert is sponsored by the Minority Concert Fund Advisory Board (MCFAB), which is a collaboration of CCC and ALANA. Our advisor for MCFAB/CCC, Joe Scaffido, negotiates offers and contracts with agents and artists directly.

3) how did shawnna get added on?
MCFAB developed a list of possible openers, and she was on the list. An offer was submitted, and she accepted the offer.

4) do you think the hyper-sexual messages of luda and shawnna are fitting to the cornell community in general?
>>I personally believe that both artists fulfill a niche of very popular music these days. Personally, I feel that a lot of rap has “hyper-sexual messages” and does not reflect necessarily the attitudes of Cornell students, but it does reflect what popular rap content is these days.

5) will there be any surprises?
>> If there are any surprises, we are not aware of them. Maybe this is the surprise of all surprises, but I’m anticipating no.

If I understand space/time/math correctly, this means 500 tickets were sold between Tuesday night and this (Wednesday) morning… which is pretty impressive, no? I don’t know if any show has actually ever sold out Barton Hall — so kudos to the organizations who pulled Luda and ‘Nna.

But take those kudos with a grain of salt, CCC/ALANA/MCFAB,  because I want to make absolutely clear that I am NOT OKAY with your prostitution of our student body. Happy Endtimes!

–EVAN THE PROPHET

The event, called “Sex and Bacon” after speaker Sarah Katherine Lewis’s new book of the same name, found the plus-size prostitute/porn star narrating two of her amusing stories and engaging in some hot Q&A action. A real live microcelebrity! At Cornell! Still, “Anal Sex 101″ motivated College Republicans  to idiotically dry-hump one another doggie-style and make placards demanding “PAY FOR YOUR OWN ANAL EDUCATION.” Instead, we were treated to the “mystery” of Baby Ruth Man — a pervy patron of Butterscotch’s Live Lingerie Tanning who inexplicably enjoyed masturbating into a washcloth (no touching!) while Lewis and her ilk consumed Baby Ruth candy bars suggestively. Lewis’s writing is elegantly hilarious, particularly when microwaving the candy bar elicits the climactic realization:

No. Fucking. Way. But yes, the mystery of Baby Ruth Man had suddenly become completely clear to me… the melted Baby Ruth’s resemblance to fecal matter was undeniable… The size and shape of the bar suddenly made sense… only Baby Ruth was organically round and bumpy. The peanuts added a touch of realism. Baby Ruth Man was paying us to eat shit.”

Well shit. Anyway, the stories were good, except reading pre-prepared material is by its nature not terribly audience-engaging. The Q&A got a little better — especially because Lewis wrote her cell phone number on the board and encouraged texting in queries. As a sex worker, this gal is definitely an anomaly in ways besides her (only moderately buxom) weight. Her views on objectification of women in porn:

The sex industry objectifies everyone. It teaches us that erotic affection is something you can do for pay, which I think is just essentially flawed… instead of actually making themselves into a person that’s able to receive honest affection, people just take a short-cut and receive ersatz affection.

For a gal who spent a large chunk of her adult life — it’s been twelve years since her fateful foray into Butterscotch’s — using sex work as a way to inspire and fund her true passion of writing, this view might seem a bit unforgiving. But hey, as she announced at the event: she just got engaged to her “partner.” (It’s a he.) This might just be the most conservative you’re allowed to be in the sex industry. But, damn, where’s the anal sexy fun in that?

PS: A note to the CWRC: when one makes a commitment to providing “aphrodisiacs” at one’s event, it might be wise to avoid including Bagel Bites. We realize that middle school slumber parties were rife with sexual tension, but we’d rather not be reminded of that one time Sally Voorhees neared me, her pizza breath increasingly pungent, cheesy saliva crescendoing into cascades of… wait, sorry, I think Lewis is rubbing off on me.