CornellWatch

There’s quite a lot to do this weekend, that is, if your cash-strapped ass isn’t hurting too much from the recesh. Here’s CornellWatch’s picks:

Friday, Feb 27th

Big Red Relief Concert. 7:30pm, Bailey Hall.

Come see performances from some of CU’s crowd-pleasingest groups, including Bhangra (Indian dance-y fun stuff),  Cayuga’s Waiters (crooners of “We Didn’t Go to Harvard”), and Absolute Zero (gravity-defying break-dancers). Tickets $9 at baileytickets.com. All benefits go to Action Against Hunger, a nonprofit dedicated to alleviating global starvation and poverty.

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Everybody thought I was crazy when I prophesized that Ludacris was coming to Cornell at the expense of our women’s purity. Everybody thought I was even crazier when I further explained that Shawnna, Luda’s lady friend thing, was tagging along at the expense of our men’s. But the tickets are sold out, fools! The hour of (sl)utmost harlotry is nigh! And if you don’t believe me, just know one thing: people like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore. PS: Concert info and an interview with the event’s PR flackette after the jump.

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Tickets went on sale today for the Ludacris Concert on February 28th: buy them for $18 at CornellConcerts.com.Slope Day got financial help to the tune of $30,000 from the Cornell Concert Commission, but it still has about $40,000 to cover. So it might not suck after all! Thanks, CCC!

Buy your tickets to witness Ludacris and Shawnna’s pimping of our entire campus as soon as they go on sale Feb. 3rd, because Slope Day is going to suck: the University is cutting $70,000+ from their budget, and that’s money that probably can’t be made up elsewhere. Another victim, sort of: Uris Libe’s Tower Cafe, which Cornell Dining quietly closed over Winter Break. Nobody really cared about Tower, though, as an admin only received “a couple” emails about it. Only a couple? But as of right now there are ten (10!) whole members in the Facebook group “BRING BACK TOWER CAFE“! Apparently, there’s other “more important” scary stuff happening because of the recession too, as D-Skorts let us know in a campus-wide email:

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You might recall that Ludacris’s pilgrimage to Cornell came at a price: the purity of our women. Well now the wily bastard has taken it one step further and decided to pimp our men too–and the offending bawd (a term I use with the most due of respect) is his boo Shawnna, a sort of Eve/Lil Kim clone who actually spits some pretty hot rapid-fire shit. If you want to get an idea of her personality, think Ludacris with a sex change and a lifetime supply of cheap lip gloss. Check Luda and Shawnna out in this video of their collaboration “Shake Dat Shit” below.

It’s official: ALANA (African Latin Asian Native American) Programming Board, along with the CCC and some other acronym thing caled MCFAB, has somehow gotten Ludacris to come to East Hill come February 28, 2009. Over a thousand people are attending on Facebook already! But it came at a price: For this one night, every girl on campus will be magically transofrmed into a pole-dancin’, dirty-grindin’, sexaholic prosty-ho. And it was totally worth it for the newly redeemed party organizer people–after Howie Mandel and Bill Maher kind of tanked, we need this, even at the expense of our women’s purity.