Get it? Clevah.

Apples and Peels Un-Cause Cancer: New CU research says it! Believe!

“Sick prank”: So saith an Ithaca Fire Lt. of a mannequin found facedown in the gorge. I say it’s kind of funny, in a horrible way?

Doctors Are Paid More than Presidents: “At Cornell, Dr. Zev Rosenwaks of the Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility received $3,149,376…” D-Skortz only made around $700k.

Cornell Dots Will Cure Cancer!: What exactly are these “C dots”? “The cluster of dye molecules in a single dot fluoresces under near-infrared light much more brightly than single dye molecules, and the fluorescence will identify malignant cells, showing a surgeon exactly what needs to be cut out and helping ensure that all malignant cells are found.”

Nominate Ur Fwendz: Do u no some1 who iz rly gud at there like orgunizashun? Nom’ them 4 a Student Organization Award or Recognition (SOAR! Far above!). Due Thurz.

“Budget Bondage”: Has the recession been cutting into your plan to one-up Goatse by utilizing expensive state-of-the-art anus-expanding instruments? Then this event is perfect for YOU.

Popular Gay Blog Covers Kiss-In: Towleroad, a supercool popular gay blog has applauded Cornell’s homo kiss-in on Ho(mo) Plaza. Take that, Review!

Hydraulics Lab Collapses: And no administrations even notice, as notes MetaEzra.

CWatch Quoted in a Sun op-ed: Thanks, Miz Witte! Also: I had my estemeed editor Peter Fritch check out my Gaza flags piece, and now it’s 100% error-free. Check it out.

Best Cornell-Related Correction Ever: After pointing out an error about A.D. White’s supposed publication of an article 50 years after his death, Trineesh Biswas further lashes his acid tongue against the author: “We can only hope that Mr. Mandelman’s gloomy prognostications about the futility of debt-fuelled fiscal stimulus will prove to be equally inaccurate.”