Posts Tagged ‘Slicklen’

David Plouffe Will Be the Class of 2009’s Convocation Speaker

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Breaking: Guy with funny last name (above) will drone on for a number of minutes in front of a bunch of hungover college kids on Sat, May 23. He apparently doesn’t appreciate the grammatical intricacies of the dash — and neither do we! — so we’ll save the commentary for more qualified commentators and just repost the notification email:

Dear Seniors,

On behalf of the 2009 Convocation Committee, I am pleased to announce that Mr. David Plouffe, Chief Campaign Manager of Obama for America, President Barack Obama’s historic presidential campaign, will headline the Class of 2009’s Convocation Ceremony on Saturday, May 23, 2009.

Our committee sought an individual who has had a profound impact on the society that our class has been prepared to enter. Mr. Plouffe was the mastermind behind one of the most significant and groundbreaking elections in our nation’s history.  His insights and leadership helped transform a little known state senator from Illinois to the leader of the free world.

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Vocal Anti-JuicyCampus Denouncers Paradoxically Boost Its Popularity

Saturday, March 1st, 2008

If you hadn’t heard about JuicyCampus.com before now, then I am glad to supply the gossip sewer with a few more chortling rats. If you have, chances are you have also heard the insistent cries for its prohibition.

Among them is current S.A. president C. J. Slicklen ’09, who was quoted in the hyperlinked article as saying, “If we don’t get on there it will die.” Ironic that the supplier of such a news byte is in fact the most “on there” of any Cornell student, being the titular topic of the “Most Discussed” post (45 as of now) on our personal Juicy satellite.

The body of the post reads:

“HAS THE BIGGEST PENIS I´VE EVER SEEN!!! and he gives AMAZING oral. i´m not even fucking kidding, this guy is unbelievable…

i had to let the cat out of the bag.”

A riotous discussion ensued, with such gems as “IM GONNA CALL BULLSIHT,,TRIED TO HAVE 3SOME W HIM BEFORE HE FREAKED OUT AND LEFT ROOM…….PUSSY” and “one time at CTB i saw [former S.A. president] Elan crawling on his hands and knees with a ball gag and a dog mask…and CJ was holding the leash!!”

With nearly 5,000 views, it is less surprising that two of the replies mentioned that they overheard coeds actually gossiping out loud in Libe and in Trillium about this specific post, which makes me conclude: all the JuicyCampus-is-evil rhetoric of the S.A. and Class Councils will only further popularize the site: Juicy wants any and all publicity, good or bad.

What’ll happen in the coming months? Vince Hartman, President of the Class of 2008, told me that he believes JuicyCampus may cause slandered students to commit suicide. It’s a stretch, but maybe—and if it does, the law will probably act. Unfortunately, it will probably take a gossipee’s plummet to gorge bottom to stop the sensationalist site, but until then… gossip on, impending trainwreck!

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