Stalking Sundays: Follicle Follies! (A Play in Three Acts)
Sunday, March 1st, 2009
This week, we bring you not one but three (3!) rousing posts contemplating the nature of, shall we say, the presence (or lack thereof!) of follicles in the crotchal region. The first is a spectacularly reasoned entreaty by a concerned woman who just wants men to shave some — BUT NOT ALL! — of their junk hair. LOL. The second begins the descent into madness/irrelevance, as we hear what I presume to be a man bewailing the sorry state of female Craigslist picture-posters. Happily, it ends on a positive note: “I saw a girl once who had an arrow shaved, pointing to the sweet spot….” The final post begins ominously, bearing the mark of the devil: an improperly used semicolon! It ends with what can only be properly described as full-blown Satanism: the terrible, awful, wretched mangling of a perfectly holy adage! Read on to discover the follies.
ACT I: A MODEST PROPOSAL
I have something to get off my chest, anonymous citizens of the blog-reading Internet. What it boils down to is, essentially, that I am a bad person. The last three of my Stalking Sundays posts have been terribly unkind to the poor souls who published the unfortunate ads in the first place. But there is good news! I have chosen an adorable post which may or may not have been posted in search of someone I may or may not know. Enjoy it, because next week I’ll be back to feeling better about myself by unfairly focusing on the cyber trails of others’ pathetic lives!
We’re back for the second week of Stalking Sundays–I didn’t forget! Anyway, the idiots are STILL on our interwebs and this time, they’ve taken to inane philosophizing. This week’s topic: Sex offenders! They are bad! Really bad! So bad! I just hate them! I have to use like seven exclamation points and caps lock to express how UNCOOL they are!!!!!!! Point blank. You know the deal: headline here, rest of ad later.
